Stretching beyond the ideals of an overachiever, a perfectionist creates a situation in which they can’t ever meet their own expectations or standards. In some cases, this can lead to anxiety, depression, self-hatred, and even the loss of identity, according to Alison Locklear, LCSW, Senior Eating Disorders Therapist at Penn Medicine Princeton Center for Eating Disorders.
“Most perfectionists realize that they can’t ever be perfect, but that doesn’t stop them from trying,” says Locklear. “It’s really more about chasing a feeling than the pursuit of perfection. That feeling is different for each perfectionist – it can range from a sense of control or safety to feeling competent, loved, or respected.”
A Recipe for an Eating Disorder
When a perfectionist is introduced to unachievable body image or body culture ideals, it can be a recipe for the development of an eating disorder. Perfectionists may try to meet and raise these impossible standards. But according to Locklear, the eating disorder is also a perfectionist that in turn raises the bar – and never allows an individual to meet it.
Because perfectionism is common and detrimental in those with eating disorders, Princeton Center for Eating Disorders has developed several initiatives to address it, including a radically open dialectical behavior therapy (RO-DBT) group aimed at creating more flexibility in thinking, a weekly Challenging Perfectionism group, and a corresponding art therapy group.
Below, Locklear shares a few tips from these groups to help behavioral health providers working with patients who are struggling with perfectionism.
Set the tone. A bad day or week doesn’t define someone – in fact, sometimes mistakes are the most important part of treatment. Providers can reinforce this by celebrating vulnerability while managing their own emotional responses to be able to truly meet patients where they are.
Incorporate therapeutic play. This approach can help activate social safety and enable patients to loosen perfectionist standards. For example, ask patients to say their name in a monotone voice, and then do the same while raising their eyebrows and smiling.
Challenge thought distortions. Ask patients to write a letter describing what would happen if they weren’t perfect, giving them the opportunity to consider and confront their fears.
Get messy. Art can be an ideal way to challenge perfectionism because it’s about exploring where the process leads rather than seeking a perfect result. If patients are open to creating art, suggest that they use their non-dominant hand, choose colors that may not be their favorite, splatter paint, or set erasers aside throughout the process.
“It’s not a question of if mistakes will happen – it’s when,” says Locklear. “People who can embrace imperfection and practice self-compassion do better in recovery and can more effectively build a life worth living and sharing.”
